to Boomerang Love
by Lynn Melville
I remember the day this book
started. It was April of 2000, and I was standing in my kitchen, gazing
out the window, once again going over the pieces of the last few years
of my life like a jigsaw puzzle, trying to make sense of them. Slowly,
the words began to come. I had an awareness, an insight, a
Ah-hah! I understood a piece of why the soul-blistering nightmare I had
been in had happened. I had to write it down, catch the words, cement
them somewhere so I wouldn’t lose them.
I had spent four months slowly climbing out of a pit of emotional pain
and depression. On New Year’s Day of 2000, I had sat down at my computer
, went to search mode on the Internet and typed in the words
“narcissist” and “Borderline Personality Disorder”. A friend had told me
that my partner had these disorders and that the abusive behavior being
inflicted on me was . . . simply . . . because “that’s just what they
Eight hours later, still in my sweat outfit, a pile of sobbed-into
tissues at my feet, I knew what the name of my pain was. I began to see
a tiny light ahead of me to guide me out of the mess that my life had
become since allowing my narcissistic, Borderline Personality Disordered
partner into my life.
What followed was a fascinating dig-into-the-gut process of unraveling
the twisted highs and lows of my relationship with my Borderline
partner. I would never know when the ah-hah! moment would hit. I started
carrying a small notebook with me to catch the thoughts on the spot as
they came. I found myself writing in fast food restaurants, shopping
malls, the post office, church – or simply at the side of the road,
having pulled over in my car to quickly jot down the insights as they
“So that’s why he exploded and raged at me with absolutely no warning!”
“So that’s why he withdrew and punished me with silence!” “That’s why he
wanted me home every day exactly at 5:30 pm.” The puzzle pieces of our
relationship kept being arranged . . . and then re-arranged . . . the
more I studied and learned about the disorder. I finally understood why
he’d be so angry if I were even a little bit late . . . or if we had to
re-arrange plans at the last minute.
I went back further and further in our relationship, shining a light
into every corner, remembering hurtful, puzzling interactions that now
had an explanation. It was exhausting, exhilarating and satisfying.
And finally, each insight led me to a prayer . . . for healing,
guidance, forgiveness, compassion, strength, courage and wisdom . . .
the tools I so desperately needed to climb out of the pain.
Slowly, the insights took on character and purpose – even a sense of
humor. I was healing. As I wrote, I knew the words were meant for others
to read, a lifeline from me to them . . . reality crumbs in the forest
to lead the way out.
If you’re in an abusive relationship now – or even a very painful one –
there is a good possibility that your partner suffers from Borderline
Personality Disorder or some variation / combination of Borderline
Personality Disorder with one of the other ten personality disorders.
In the sections titled Definitions and Behavior Descriptions and
Resources and Tools, you can get into your head and study the behavioral
However, I recommend you stay with your heart. Don’t try to understand
the definitions to begin with. Dive into the meat of the book first.
Connect with the feelings you have over how you’ve been treated, what it
feels like. In the end, it’s our feelings that will lead us to the
actions we need to take to protect ourselves and our families.
My writings are in no particular order, other than chronologically as
they were written. Same with Ashleigh Brilliant’s epigrams. Start
wherever the message grabs you and ride it to wherever it takes you.
This is an experiential book, meant to move you from one spot to
another, with you in complete control of the speed and direction.
It’s my sincere wish that this book will be the soul-freeing gift to
others that it has been for me.
Blessings and courage, my friends. Love and happiness await you at the
end of your journey.
to Book page